I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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