I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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