Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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