She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
