at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
