i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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