I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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