Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
