I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
