careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
