You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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