She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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