So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
