oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
