My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
