im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
