I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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