I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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