Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
