babies were throwing up all over the place
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
