He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
