We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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