using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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