I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
