I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
