They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
