god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We need to get me chipped asap
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
