Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
