Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
God, I missed his penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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