I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
