Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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