I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
