i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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