her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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