So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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