I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
