I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
