Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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