6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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