Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
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