Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
this will be a night to untag.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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