I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
