I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
