its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
