And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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