are you still at the devil's house?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
