It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
