Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
