A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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