I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
